“What?!”
“What?!”
This is the seemingly universal reaction to my marital status. It may be in Mandarin, Taiwanese, or English, but still consistently the same. The few times it’s differed have been due to language confusion.
A recurring (and possibly annoying, to some of you) theme you’ll probably read in my blog is my views about marriage. Marriage in Taiwan, marriage in the States, marital expectations, marital assumptions, yadda yadda yadda… This preoccupation with marriage culture shouldn’t be a surprise. Taiwanese and Americans alike have a thirst for weddings, be they big or small, expensive or bargain, lavish or quaint, traditional or modern - the list goes on and on. And the follow-up of the ceremony? There are so many aspects of marriage to be discussed, but one detail that always calls my attention is my newly-multicultural status.
Now I’m no longer just a white chick living in Taiwan. I’m a white chick married to a Taiwanese guy living in Taiwan for some approximation of forever. That’s special. Or maybe I’ve allowed the locals to convince me that’s something special. In either case, the fact is I haven’t met any other North American ladies married to locals here in Tainan. If you’re one, write to me!
Let’s try to figure out why. Here are my first thoughts based upon my own observations and experiences:
1) There aren’t as many foreign ladies here (at least there aren’t in Tainan).
2) Foreigners seem to stay here for 1-2 years and then leave. There are exceptions who stay much longer, but it seems that few of them are ladies.
3) Taiwanese men often (but not always) appear to be shy / avoidant / scared / mortified about speaking to foreign women.
4) Taiwanese men are often (but not always) embarrassed to use their English skills, even if they have some level of fluency, for fear of making mistakes and losing face. Especially if a foreign lady is present.
5) Foreign women cringe at traditional Taiwanese family dynamics and expectations regarding women. The gender roles give us nightmares. We prefer our modern ways, assume every Taiwanese man will adhere to the old traditions, and sprint for the door.
Of course, these are generalizations - not every foreign lady is the same and not every Taiwanese guy is the same. But one must admit that there’s a trend of “foreign man + Taiwanese woman.” I’m just trying to understand my minority status.
Although we are most assuredly a minority, there is an increasing number of white women married to Taiwanese men. I am one of them, and I also live in Tainan. I know several who just married recently (or are about to) and several who have been married for many years with several children.
Some other reasons we are a minority include *false* assumptions based on American media:
–we all love to have sex and have all had many partners
–all white women are dominant and like to be in control
–Americans are better than the Taiwanese and will not lower our standards to marry one
Then, in addition to the fact that the traditional family dynamics scares us away a lot of times their parents–especially their mommas–say no way to marrying a “foreigner.”
I wholeheartedly agree with that list. It’s a shame we have to fight images like that. You must have a guy as perfect as mine! And LOL mommas, especially traditional ones, so glad I won the lottery on that one.
So honestly, you never get confusion or commotion about your man choice?? I should make a database of all the interesting responses we’ve gotten… Not that the opinions of others should matter much, it’s just interesting to me. Makes life entertaining!
I was talking with the hubby last night about the surprising reactions we’ve had to, well, us. He pointed out that we probably get stronger responses because:
- We both look younger than our actual ages.
- I don’t speak Chinese well.
- Everyone thinks I’m from a random eastern European country (I’m “too thin” to be from the states), so they’re already confused.
- His accent is “too Taipei” to locals and they don’t believe he’s from Tainan.
In conclusion, we’re weird. So maybe we’re alone on this one? But I think not…
My father-in-law calls me by my Chinese name even–one of the few people who do so. And I LOVE it!
The only English word I’ve heard my in-laws speak is “uncle.”
If I don’t understand or can’t quite express what I’d like to express clearly, my husband will help me.
But, with my husband, the two of us also use quite a bit of Mandarin. We do use more English than Mandarin, and of course there is a ton of bilingual conversation mixed in for good measure.
I’ve not *yet* had any confused or surprised reactions to our relationship. He himself was shocked when a mutual friend suggested we date–he thought being with a white woman was beyond the realm of reality. But he gave it a chance to see what would happen. I’m so thankful he did!!