Dating in Taiwan: A Foreign Woman’s Perspective
Somewhere in the fictional version of New York City, Samantha Jones and Carrie Bradshaw are shedding tears for me. After 9 months of living in Taipei, I’ve just about given up on men in Asia.
I’m not converting to lesbianism by any means, but I suppose I’ve abandoned the idea that I will meet anyone worthwhile during my stint in Asia.
In case you haven’t already figured it out, foreign women get the short end of the dating stick over here. We are hands down, the least sexually satisfied demographic in Asia.
I did an unscientific poll and asked female foreigners living in Taipei, Hong Kong, Tokyo and Seoul what their dating and sex life is like and almost all of them gave me the same answer- it’s non-existent. They all agree that celibacy and singledom is a begrudgingly accepted part of life.
I won’t bother getting into how easy it is for any male ex-pat to find a girlfriend and/or f&ck buddy. We’re all aware of this fact and have certainly seen mismatched couples consisting of bombshell local chicks with ‘bottom of the barrel-esque’ foreign guys.
If I sound bitter, I’m not.
I’ve had more than my fair share of mock-relationships with both locals and foreigners. Hell, I even had a short-term fling with a Taiwanese celebrity. Trust me, I’ve seen the broad spectrum of men Taipei has to offer.
But, if you want to know why female ex-pat’s have a tough time finding a boyfriend or decent fling the answer is simple: we are the unwanted demographic.
Unwanted.
I don’t have a bloated sense of entitlement nor do I have unrealistic expectations when it comes to men. If I could find a Don Draper + Daniel Henney + Johnny Depp mix of a man I’d probably spontaneously combust from the endorphins alone but, I know that’s never going to happen. And in Taipei? Hell. F&cking. No.
The simple fact remains that both locals and foreign guys have no interest in dating us.
Let’s start with locals:
‘Unwanted-ness’ is a two-way street especially with this group. Here’s my justification for that statement:
1) Physical attraction to locals for me- dwindles at a very, very low percentage. Puffy hair, shiny marshmallow jackets, skinny jeans and flip flops in the winter don’t exactly get my panties soaking. Maybe local men are an acquired taste, like betelnut? I find both revolting but, that’s just me…
2) The language barrier is a huge strike, because in case you didn’t already know- women love talking. Decent communication can be shirked initially, however the minimal scope of topics can get old, real quick.
3) Local guys are very shy compared to foreigners. You can’t come on too strong nor can you wait around for them to make the first move. Rock and a hard place, anyone? Being shy was cute in high school. It isn’t anymore.
4) How many local guys do you know who would be open-minded about dating a foreigner? I wouldn’t imagine very many and if they exist, they must be hiding under a bridge somewhere.
Suffice to say, a foreign woman dating a local man probably won’t end up working out.
So now, let’s move onto the foreign men:
We aren’t considered desirable because for most guys it’s a ‘been there, done that’ type of attitude.
1) Male ex-pats come to Asia to experience the culture and more importantly to become acquainted with the local chicks. For many of them this is their first taste of Asian women. Why would they bother with a native speaker? They can go back home in a year or two and find plenty of girls like us over there.
2) The language barrier works in their favor. Most foreigners know they don’t have to ‘really’ be serious about this girl because it can’t go anywhere. It’s a fling and breaking up with a girl because of communication issues is one of the best and most legitimate excuses a guy can have in Asia. A foreign guy will want us is if he’s been in Asia for a while and MISSES having a decent, witty and smart conversation.
3) Local women will let foreign guys treat them like crap without consequence and stick around. Many foreign guys I’ve spoken to admit that they know they can get away with murder when it comes to locals. As much as the guys crave the ‘Asian’ experience in Taiwan, these women crave the ‘Western’ experience and will put up with Johnny American being a jerkoff, just because his blonde hair and blue eyes are just so darn cute. Foreign women have a lower tolerance when it comes to bullshit and guys are well aware of this. Sticking to the local demographic bodes well for the Western player.
4) A lot of male expats come to Asia because they can’t score with chicks back home. Physically inferior and socially inept in the West can equate to Brad Pitt-likeness in the eyes of a local. If we didn’t want you back home, we won’t want you over here.
As you can see, the odds are simply not in our favor. We have more things working against us than for us. Yes, I knew coming to Asia would mean a significant downturn in my dating life. I’m simply making generalizations related to the difficulties most foreign women face while living here.
If all I wanted were just a bang, it wouldn’t be very hard. But, it’s not about sex or a lack thereof. I just want someone whose company I can enjoy during my time here.
If it goes somewhere, great.
If it doesn’t, that’s fine too.
You might not agree with the points I made, but unless you’re a female in my situation then you really wouldn’t understand. I’m always hoping that I’ll meet a guy who will break the stereotypes I listed above. I refuse to remain jaded and cynical. I want to enjoy my time here in Taipei and share it with someone.
Maybe I just need to morph into a local. Do I slap on some fake lashes, rock a pair of shiny tights and carry a purse with sequins in order for a decent guy to want to take me out on a date?
Say it ain’t so cause, I really hate neon clothing.
I find that many guys don’t go after foreign girls in Taiwan because they don’t find them attractive (usually chubby and large, as compared to petite and slender). Also, like you said, the language barrier is a benefit for foreign men in Taiwan. They don’t need to put up with any nagging or similar types of western female whining.
I’m not saying that you do that, but it is a factor in why western women can’t get into real relationships in Taiwan. One night stands aren’t a problem but looking for Mr. right will lead you insane unless you are one of the lucky ones.
Wow this is some Deep story. Well . . Speechless . . .
pretty good observation, and no, you don’t sound bitter. this is coming from a female who stands in both worlds. worked, lived, had a relationship in Taiwan, but moved back to Canada. Spoke the language ’cause grew up there in the early days, had no problem seeing the good sides in local guys, etc.
your best bet is another banana. or just enjoy plenty of 1-night fling.
most importantly, keep looking, you never know what comes your way.
I am a local gril.
Well, for foreign guy it is easier to find a girl here.
And they have same lookings….
If you are ABC ,you definitely get more attention than a foreign woman.
I am a foreign man married to a local Taiwanese woman. We have been together for several years now. My sister lived in Taiwan first which is what got me here. I do agree that it can be difficult to find a good man, when your in your shoes. I have had Canadian girlfriends in the past and even dated foreign women in Taiwan before I met my wife. The reality is my friend, that its hard to find a decent relationship anywhere in the world and I had to travel across it to find my love. She won’t take my crap and puts me in my place, when I need to be. Not all native women fit the stereo type you speak of and not all foreign men fit it either. Those men give us good guys a bad rep and even they grow up eventually. If you can’t find love within yourself you can’t find love. My wife can talk most of the foreign women under the table. She learned English watching T.V. My point is if you believe that this is how it is, then you might as well go home but if you are open minded and step out of this box that has you chained then you might see changes for the better, trust me. Love and great conversation are waiting for you, just get out of this delusional pattern that has so many of you jaded. Life is what you want it to be and make your purpose to know people.
I must agree with Married Guy above.
“The reality is my friend, that its hard to find a decent relationship anywhere in the world and I had to travel across it to find my love. She won’t take my crap and puts me in my place, when I need to be. Not all native women fit the stereo type you speak of and not all foreign men fit it either. Those men give us good guys a bad rep and even they grow up eventually. If you can’t find love within yourself you can’t find love.”
Well said. He beat me to it.
bostonpaul.wordpress.com
Thanks for the comments everyone. Again, this is just my POV regarding the dating situation in Taipei.
I’m always looking for someone who will dickmatize and/or woo me into changing my views lol
@ Johnny Z, RE: “I find that many guys don’t go after foreign girls in Taiwan because they don’t find them attractive (usually chubby and large, as compared to petite and slender). Also, like you said, the language barrier is a benefit for foreign men in Taiwan. They don’t need to put up with any nagging or similar types of western female whining.”
You sound like a gem. I’m sure all the “chubby, whining” foreign girls are just devastated that they can’t have you!
@ Bee: Hang in there–sometimes good things happen… one night last Christmas-time, I was sitting at a bar, bored out of my skull, playing wingwoman for one of my pals. A cute foreign guy sat down by me and started chatting with me. I was barely even paying attention, because I thought he was just waiting for his drink, but we were still talking 4 hours later… (and are still together!) Good luck, chica!
wish i could show you the other side of the coin in the uk.. my friends there are from taiwan and love LOVE to date girls there but you are right about the unjust way in which many MANY!! guys treat girls here!
Lucy,
I was only trying to start the conversation off based on my experiences speaking many times with foreigners about dating in Taiwan. I have many chubby, foreign friends just like you. I am sure we would hit it off.
@ Bee - Nice use of dickmatize in a sentence.
@ Johnny: RE “I have many chubby, foreign friends just like you. I am sure we would hit it off.”
Just because I don’t physically resemble a 12-year old boy does not make me chubby.
Lucy, beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. having curves and being chubby are indeed very different. A fit girl with curves is eye candy for sure
Many locals in Taiwan go gaga over foreign women. I’m sure if you were more attractive, you wouldn’t have any problems.
For the record Bee is a very attractive woman.
You’re right I’m obviously not attractive enough. I might as well move under a bridge like the troll that I am and give up all hope. Problem solved!
Bee, I hear your concerns and challenges, and I agree to their reality. Now, that you ‘ve expressed your point of view… I’d like to hear what you are looking for in a man… what will dickmatize you… give yummy details… not just sexual ones… I mean, give details of your perfect man… paint us a picture so that if we know him or when we meet him, we know who to introduce him to
Us guys are rootin’ for you!
May he come soon,
Dice
confidence is really the best approach to life Bee and if you believe in yourself you will Be the Bee you were ment to Be.
actually ladies, as a foreign female who has been living in taiwan for 3 years, i believe the answer to all your problems is the magical VIBRATOR. i wouldnt have been here this long without one. you can be more selective about the men that you drool over, as you’ll always know where your next orgasm is coming from. (besides, the men ive come across in my years here usually aren’t the pick of the litter) and… men can read desperation written all over you face. once you can D-I-Y, and stop moping that nobody loves you, men will respond favorably, and if they dont, who cares… you cant literally ‘go F@#% yourself’
I don’t know if this thread is still up but I wanted to say BEE I f’in love you! That article is spot on! I love you for putting into words what we’ve been thinking for years (I’m a 28 year old American)! Oh, and I can’t believe the ‘chubby’ comment! Bee I’d love to take you out for a drink sometime. (is asking for a date in a chat forum tacky ha ha)
RE: Miss Universe
- I agree. i can’t depend on decent guys being available but, there’s only so much latex peen a girl can take…sigh.
RE: Brandon
- LOL thanks for the compliment. I’m still single! Here’s hoping you’re ‘decent’
Latex peen sounds a bit gross. You had better find somebody soon Bee.
LOL….I did find someone, he just doesn’t live in Taiwan. So, yes…I very well might be moving sometime this year.
This is seriously SO TRUE! Kudos to you for posting! I’m a model living in Taiwan (not a chubby girl) and the men here are…so gross. The foreign men are banging away at a different Taiwanese girl a night (generally speaking it’s not a difficult thing to do, you can be the Hunchback and they throw themselves at you) and the ugliest of them all get such a chip on their shoulder, thinking they are top dog because now in Asia they are a 10, whereas back in Canada they were a 4 and no one gave them the time of day.
The first comment…western women whining? haha wow. Yes foreign men seem to prefer the lack of personality, or the personality of a 12 year old addicted to Disney than a real woman with passion and an opinion.
Suffice to say that I certainly haven’t met any decent men worth dating in my nearly 2 years living in Taiwan.
In my 6 years here, I’ve never dated a Taiwanese girl. I’ve never had any problems dating woman, and all my girlfriends have been foreigners. I do agree that a lot of douchebags come here and think they are super heros. But to be honest, there aren’t that many attractive foreign woman here. There is a much higher ratio of foreign men to foreign woman, so why wouldn’t the foreign guys go for the Taiwanese.
Getting laid by a Taiwanese girl is not difficult at all. Which is why it turns me off. But there are guys out there who are getting a second chance to have some fun in their life. All the power to them.
Also, Jaclynn, let’s be 100% honest. Your modeling career? Who has the foreigner chip on whose shoulder? You went from a 4 to an imaginary 7.
Is it a chip on a shoulder to acknowledge what I do? No need to be a douche.
I actually just re-read your last sentence as I had skimmed before. What a stupid comment, “Christo”. I’d personally like I think I’ve always ran at around an 8.5.
Enjoy my website. I’m always posting new photos from various shoots. Opps, did I say shoots? There goes that damn chip again. By “shoots” I meant “jobs”.
<3
Hi Bee,
First, nice article, I agree with your take on local guys 100%, and it gets worse… Have you ever heard of “break-up” classes in the West? Me neither, but it’s required attendance for many local women because local guys, while knowing nothing about keeping a relationship together, also know nothing about breaking up with class, and the incidence of nasty, stalker-like break ups here is dangerously high. So they in fact have to provide classes for women to “safely” break it off with their beaus here, which I think says everything that all your astute observations about local guys points to: deep seated insecurity, which is about as attractive as if they wore a neon sign that said, “STUD,” with the “U” burnt out.
Leave guys who spend three hours on their hair to girls who want to date homosexuals, as I believe that local girls have the unconscious feeling that if they date a guy more effeminate than they are (which is easy to do here for readers unfamiliar with Taiwan), that the guy will be safe and unassuming. They think they’re dating another girl’s emotional sensibilities, which couldn’t be further from the truth. They’re in fact just dating guys who don’t know how to be real guys, and we all know what happens when that goes down from Western middle school, the guy turns into a bully.
You need a guy who knows how to be a guy, who likes girls who know how to be a girl, who see acerbic wit as a barometer of intelligence. Sounds like you need to hit me up…
Bee, I stopped dating Taiwanese women for one simple reason.
They’re boring.
Every single one of them seems to want the same thing - find a husband, produce kids, please their grandparents. The only other things they ever talk about are work and Taiwan pop music. I haven’t yet met one who had ambitions of her own and could hold any meaningful conversation on any other topic.
When it comes to looks and physical attraction, pretty faces are a dime a dozen, plus Chinese, Japanese and Korean are (as a Filipina described them to me) “bamboo”: a little bit jutting out at the top and at the bottom, but basically they’re cylindrical. I could live with mediocre looks and physique if I could find a Taiwanese woman who was interesting, but I can’t find them sexually appealing at all; when I flip the channels late at night and see those “shows” of Taiwanese women in underwear and bikinis, it’s laughable. They’re not sexually appealing in the least.
As for why I never married a Canadian woman back home, it was pathetic and a waste of time. The only women who showed any interest in me were the sort of women I would never date, period: smokers, christians, country music fans, and overweight women, usually in combinations of those traits. If I could make a living in Thailand or work in Japan, I’d consider it, because at least those women are interesting to talk to, and a shintoist or buddhist is compatible enough for an atheist to get along with. If you were to ever see a Thai woman smile, you’d understand the appeal.
Christo UR a dick!! clearly u should visit Jaclynn’s website bfore making an incredibly wrong statement like ‘Your modeling career? Who has the foreigner chip on whose shoulder? You went from a 4 to an imaginary 7′ i mean wow dude….. i think her point when stating that she is a model, not only is that her profession, but also the point is to say that even beautiful women can’t find foreign guys to date.
I came to taiwan to visit for 18 days, 2months ago, and it was so disturbing. all the foreign guys i saw were either with a taiwanese girl or trying to get into ones pants, it was not only disturbing but also insulting as a woman, just because they are easy…wow!! next time Christo think before ur a serious douche & make inaccurate statements in a public forum!!!!
Thanks for the comments and feedback everyone
I have another article in mind, so please stay tuned for it!
RE: Jacyln-
GIrl, you are hot! But, I’m curious as to why you stay in Taipei rather than HK or somewhere else in Asia to model?
RE: Christo-
If you think there aren’t a lot of attractive foreign women in Taipei…you should see the selection of men we get. The word ‘piss poor’ comes to mind. Seriously.
RE: Kaimei-
Very true. I need men to be men. Unfortunately, I can’t exactly advertise my MSN and/or # on this site…but, I am definitely taking applications- that is, until I move back to Toronto in 2011 or find a reason to stay in Tpe.
RE: Fred C. Dobbs
Boring people exist in every nationality though. I just got back from spending almost a month in Thailand and met more than my fair share of boring people. For me, the interesting chicks were the ones able to shoot darts and open Coke bottles with their vag LOL
The opportunies are greater here, less competition and also it’s very inexpensive to live.
I’m moving in 3 months though, funny you should mention it. 
Hope that makes it easier…